Macaroni and cheese from a box.
Yes, from a dang box.
Don’t even start with me. Stouffer’s gets that job done faster than I can even read read a lasagna recipe from start to finish.
Grilled cheese and Campbell’s tomato soup.
If there are ANY chunks of real tomato in my soup, sometimes that simply will not do.
Give me all of the butter suspended in fluff. GIVE IT TO ME.
Spaghetti and meatballs.
Yes technically pasta with red sauce should look like this, all properly emulsified with its sauce in a sauté pan. But sometimes you just want to dump some dumb red sauce and meatballs on top of a pile of pasta so you get a few bites of that plain, white-flour spaghetti. THERE I SAID IT.
Chef Boyardee anything.
Even the raviolis. I don’t care.
Entenmann’s raspberry Danish twist.
I love you, Danish. I love you, too, coffee cake. I love you, anything in this section of the grocery store.
Pancakes. Any kind of pancakes.
But especially this kind:
And this kind.
The fried-chicken file is large.
Its most comforting occurrences are in a biscuit…
…on a waffle…
…or in a bucket.
Note that this is actually homemade fried chicken in a KFC bucket. Doesn’t matter. The bucket it what matters.
And even when it’s secretly steak.
Chili with saltines…
Give me queso and a straw, please and thank you.
Pie. Basically all of the pies.
Those mini powdered doughnuts from the gas station.
Chinese food from the mall.
Especially those insane egg rolls.
WTF. They must fry those things, like, 10 times.
Actually, almost anything you can get at the mall.
Any frosted sugar cookie from the grocery store, seasonal or not seasonal.
Actually, anything frosted.
Lastly, anything chocolate, or related in any way to Oreos.