Food – The Definitive Ranking Of Vegetables From Worst To Best

Kale

The foolproof, ironclad, indisputable, authoritative guide to crap that grows in dirt.

JUST CALL IT WHAT IT IS: LETTUCE FOR PEOPLE WHO WENT TO COLLEGE TWICE

Beets

Beets

A TIME MACHINE TO THE GREAT DEPRESSION

Parsnips

Parsnips

YOU HAVE EYES.

Swiss Chard

Swiss Chard

SORRY YOU CAN’T STAY NEUTRAL ON SWISS CHARD: IT SUCKS

 Cauliflower

 

Cauliflower

THE ACCIDENTAL RACIST OF BROCCOLI

Radish

 

Radish

A BUNCH OF BIG RED SPERMS. HOW APPETIZING DOES THAT SOUND?

Eggplant

 

Eggplant

PROS: IT’S THE STEAK OF VEGETABLES. CONS: IT’S THE STEAK OF VEGETABLES.

Bok Choy

 

Bok Choy

IT’S LIKE A SEMESTER ABROAD IN YOUR MOUTH

Zucchini

 

Zucchini

TASTES GOOD NO COMPLAINTS

Arugula

 

Arugula

ARUGULA IS SO GOOD THE BRITISH CALL IT ROCKET, THE ITALIANS PUT IT ON PIZZA, AND REPUBLICANS HATE IT

Peas

 

Peas

THINK PEAS ARE ONLY FOR YOUR GRANDPARENTS? LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO A HOT LITTLE NUMBER CALLED WASABI.

Gem Lettuce

 

Gem Lettuce

IT’S ADORABLE LITTLE LETTUCE I WANT TO SQUEEZE AND FEED IT TO BUNNIES

Baby Carrots

 

Baby Carrots

THE CANDY OF VEGETABLES, BEST FRIENDS WITH RANCH DRESSING, ADORED BY ALL

Tomato

 

Tomato

“IT’S GOT SEEDS IT’S NOT A VEGETABLE” HOW ABOUT “YOU’RE A MORON IT’S A FUCKING VEGETABLE”

Brussels Sprouts

 

Brussels Sprouts

PROOF THAT YOU’RE A MATURE, HEALTHY, AND WELL-LIKED ADULT: YOU LOVE BRUSSEL SPROUTS.

CONGRATS.

 

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