It’s like this: Imagine if the only tacos you could get were kelp and chorizo tacos. Are you crying yet?
It’s time for some real talk, America.
We are BLOWING IT at poutine. In Canada, this transcendent dish is served at every possible opportunity — restaurants, bars, truck stops, diners, doesn’t matter. In America it’s still treated like a culinary novelty. The few stateside restaurants that have attempted to make poutine can’t seem to get it right. This is downright tragic.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then you’re part of the problem. Let’s fix that, at least.
Classic poutine has three basic ingredients:
1. French Fries
Thick-cut potatoes, fried and salted. These are one of most basic and most popular foods in America. This should be no problem.
2. Brown Gravy
Again, nothing too fancy. Just light and thin brown gravy, made from beef, turkey or mushroom stock, served SUPER hot.
3. Cheese Curds
This one’s a little further off the grid. Cheese curds are somewhat rubbery, squeaky little pieces of cheese — technically the solid parts of soured milk — and sort of like string cheese in flavor and texture. But hey, Wisconsin gets it. Do you really want Wisconsin to show you up, everyone else in America?
When poutine is made properly, the gravy should be hot enough to melt the cheese curds and make the fries soggy. What you’re left with is an awesomely goopy, gravy-licous, hot potato mess. For people who enjoy a night of drinking, poutine works perfectly as a calorie-rich after-bar snack — or the most ideal hangover food in human history. You don’t have to be a drunk to enjoy it. You do, however, have to be unconcerned with eating more than 1500 calories in a single, carb-heavy cholesterol-soaked meal. And if you’re a real American, you shouldn’t be.